Bad Jokes

A married couple and their newly divorced female friend are sitting around the table in the married couple’s kitchen.

female friend:  "I’m so glad I divorced Dave. He was such a creep. You thought he was a creep, didn’t you Emily?

Emily, the wife:  Emily looks down, and then says "No, I didn’t think he was a creep."

female friend:  "Well you thought he was a creep, didn’t you Bob?"

the husband, Bob:  "No, I never thought he was a creep."

friend:  "Well, he was.  Hey Emily, remember that time when he made a grab for you in the kitchen?"

Emily waves her hand at the friend in an attempt to silence her.

Bob, the husband:  Bob looks at his wife and says, "He grabbed you in the kitchen?"

Emily, the wife:  Emily looks embarrassed and says, "Yea, but I pushed him away."

the friend:  "Oh Bob, it wasn’t just Emily. He would have grabbed anyone in the kitchen."

Bob, the husband:  "Then I’m glad I was in the living room."

Do you know what hot milk tastes like?…………………..Hot milk.

Ugh!

Some of the complaints on these boards show up over and over again like bad jokes.

How can you know the difference between a snowman and a snow woman ? ? ***snowballs***

I visited New York and gave my regards to Broadway!  I tried to remember you to Herald Square, but a cop told me to move along.

:womanlol:

I was cleaning out one of my closets and found a book with a lot of empty pages.

It was my romantic date book.

:womanlol:

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Boo!
Boo who?
…don’t have to cry about, just come in!

If I throw out my makeup bag, which has $200 worth of makeup in it, I will lose my ‘natural’ look.

THIS IS A HILARIOUSLY REFRESHING STRING OF POST……DON’T KNOW WHO STARTED THIS, BUT THANKS…….KEEP IT UP…….WE COULD ALL USE A LITTLE LAUGHTER  IN LIFE…..I AM TIRED OF JUST GETTING MINE WHEN I LOOK IN THE MIRROR OF A MORNING….AM ENJOYING SOME OTHER AVENUES,,,,,,:womanlol:

I worked for a lawyer for many years. You don’t know how true this joke is.  It was so "right on target" that it  took a minute for it to sink in that it was a joke.  Loved it!  :smileyhappy:

I had a fight with my exterminator.  He told me to bug off.

Why did the farmer spray his crop with booze?

He wanted to raise stewed tomatoes.

Wanh   waaaanh

A duck goes into the store to buy lipstick.  The clerk asks how she would like to pay, and she says just put it on my bill.  

:womanlol:

A devout man asked the Lord for a wish. The Lord answered him, saying that since he had been faithful, he can have his wish granted. The man asks for a bridge to Hawaii, but the Lord says that that is a very materialistic wish and asked the man to think of another wish that would honor and glorify Him.

The man thought harder and requested instead to be able to understand women. The Lord thought for a moment and then asked, "Do you want that bridge with two or four lanes?" :womanlol:  

Very funny and true for some I know.:womanlol:

I know what it’s like to be in a job you hate. Life is too short to spend it in misery. I hope you are
seeking work elsewhere and find a job where you will be valued and respected . It is sad that your employer treats employees so poorly.